Random
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time for my first shitpost of 2023! i want to make it special what should i post
wait SHIT
I DEMAND A DO OVER
fuck it. happy 2023. here, have some of my least favorite photographs of kangaroos
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“I Hear What You’re Saying” Says Local Man As He Interrupts What You’re Saying
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good evening tumblr! for the low low price of $4.20 i will give you a fact that will ruin your night!
this was not my fact, and i am livid that it actually does make sense from an evolutionary standpoint (as it makes other male llamas sterile thus reducing competition). congratulations tumblr you have successfully ruined MY night
the fact i was GOING to share, interestingly enough, also has to do with animal genitalia:
here is a photo of a blue whale penis mounted on a plaque, have a nice evening ♥
#for $6.66 i will give you one awful Premium fact that is directly related to the whale penis fact but is actually so much worse
pleasure doing business with ya. your fact is: the above photo was taking at the Icelandic Phallological Museum aka the
***MUSEUM OF PENISES***
which houses the world’s largest display of penises (most of them non-human). yes this is a real place that exists, and is a popular tourist destination. and yes, many of the…exhibits have been mounted on plaques, for reasons best left unexplored
oh! here is a non-dehydrated blue whale. fun fact: the first photo was “just the tip!”
#and for one final payment of $6.66 i will give you ONE LAST BUT BY FAR THE MOST HORRENDOUS FACT about blue whale penises#much worse than the fact that a penis museum exists and has multiple whale penises on display
and here is your final Awful and Horrendous Whale Penis Fact:
whale penises were probably mistaken for sea monsters
nope, i’m not kidding. wish i was. whale penises do indeed very much resemble giant monstrous tentacles when spotted in the wild. at least some “sea monsters” sightings were probably just…whale boners. which i hate. i hate that so much.
and because today wasn’t bad enough: here is a sperm whale penis!
and HERE is a photo of a man holding a $6,000 5-and-a-half foot stuffed version!
hope you enjoyed this post! i didn’t!!!!
Can we roll it back to the dick museum…
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY MOST
THAT’S the part you focus on? Seriously?????
please I’m so tired
To answer the reblog about human penises
They are still looking
aren’t we all, metaphorically in life, looking for a younger and a bigger and a better one though
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enough about duck corkscrew penises, what we should be talking about is the vastly underappreciated horror show that is Turtle Penises! *hands you an unsolicited Pandora’s Box of deeply regrettable knowledge*
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deeply weird that you can realize “oh actually this socially constructed gender fits my internal identity better than the socially constructed gender I was assigned by default” and people will be like “no u can’t do that, you’ve got the wrong organs”
bitch I am BARLEY USING THEM
Don’t take them for grainted.
That joke was pretty wheat
So so corny…
Let’s hops we can do better
rebageling this post for everyone
Rye are we like this
Amaizeing
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I’m trying to think of the name of those off-brand hedgehog things but the only thing that comes to mind is enchilada
Echidna
Heres some babies
This one is less baby
Fun fact. These motherfuckers can kill you
Their dicks have 4 heads
thank you! i hate this more than words can express. this is horrible, truly. DO NOT CLICK KEEP READING
I too have this dick shelf
#it started with duck corkscrew penises and just spiraled from there #hehe. spiraled
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educate me tumblr
Bees have a surprisingly large penis for their size.
i can’t reblog this without also mentioning that successful bee copulation is always fatal to the male, as “their penis and abdominal tissues are violently ripped from the body as part of the process.” [1]
i mean talk about busting a nut
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geez what a dickhead
an absolute fuckface
I couldn’t make sense of this image & so googled to try to find out more.
Instead I found this which seems significantly worse and more cursed for some reason. I actually made this new side blog just to share it so I wouldn’t be mentally scarred alone.
You have been warned.
talk about thinking with your dick & talking out of your ass
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on a personal level, 2022 was good. I took a bunch of bubble baths. I tried tons of new food. I learned how to pronounce “Acai.” I threw a tantrum over the pronunciation of “Acai.” I cooked myself candlelit dinners and dyed my hair torquoise. all of my shoes fit. a good year
i changed my mind this year was filled with nothing but torment and malaise, i was created by the gods to be naughty but a pincushion-y receptor of the spears of human spite and cruelty prometheus has nothing
